Sister in Love
You cannot retrain a grown man.
Scripture teaches us in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
This reminds us that the time for shaping character is during youth. If a man is grown and exhibits troubling behaviours—whether it’s smoking, drinking, or staying out until the early hours—these are not issues you can change. You need to ask yourself: Are these the qualities you can live with for the rest of your life?
If he has a temper and has struck you “just twice,” as he says, claiming it was a mistake.
Remember that Proverbs 22:24 warns us, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.”
Violence and uncontrolled anger are not small matters, and love alone cannot fix them. Be wise in your decision before committing your life to someone with these traits.
Brother in Love
Women are not children, and you cannot train them. It’s a mistake to marry a woman with the hope of changing her into something else. As Proverbs 31:30 reminds us, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Character far outweighs outward beauty or career success. If you marry a woman with questionable character, expecting to turn her into a model wife, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.
It’s unjust to marry a woman who displays a certain lifestyle on social media—whether through immodesty or other behaviours—and then attempt to change her after marriage.
Galatians 6:7 teaches us, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” If you sow seeds of compromise, don’t be surprised when you reap the consequences of that choice.
Ultimately, what you choose is what you will live with. Love, by itself, does not change people.
1 Samuel 16:7 tells us that, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” After the honeymoon phase, both the man and the woman will reveal who they truly are.
If you enter into marriage with the hope of changing someone, you are setting yourself up for heartache. Choose wisely and pray for God’s guidance before making such a significant commitment.
WALE ADEWUMI
