Tag: Foundation

  • What Love Experts Don’t Tell You – 4

    IT IS YOUR WORK TO MAKE THINGS WORK

    If you are not happy being single or unmarried, it is important to question why you believe that marriage will bring you joy. The truth is, who you are as an individual will only be amplified by marriage.

    Proverbs 27:19 KJV
    As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man.

    If you do not know how to cohabit and build a strong foundation before entering into marriage, the act of getting married itself will not fundamentally change you. As Mahatma Gandhi once wisely said, “Be the change you want to see in others.” The key to a secure and blissful marriage lies in the effort and commitment you put into it. Never rely solely on your partner to be responsible for your happiness, fulfillment, wealth, and prosperity. You are a significant stakeholder in your own joy and personal growth, both before and after marriage.

    If you are struggling with financial difficulties, it is unrealistic to expect that marriage will magically solve all your problems and bring you riches. This belief is an illusion. If you are unable to contribute to the financial stability and well-being of your family, you will likely become a burden rather than a valuable asset. Your desire for an easy life without taking on responsibilities will only lead to disdain and animosity from your partner and others around you.

    This is why relationships often face challenges when there is a significant difference in status between partners. One partner may be focused on personal growth, building wealth, and developing skills, while the other may view the marriage as an opportunity to exploit the fortune of their partner.

    In essence, the level of investment you put into a marriage significantly determines the level of bliss and fulfillment you can expect to receive from it. It is crucial to understand that to find true happiness in a marriage, we must take responsibility for our actions and contributions. We must strive to become partners who actively contribute to the growth and well-being of the entire family. A marriage that brings blessings and abundance is one that is nurtured and cultivated, allowing the best qualities of both individuals to flourish and benefit the union.

  • What Love Experts Don’t Tell You

    GUARANTEE FOR A BLISSFUL RELATIONSHIP

    Let’s discuss the following topic: “What is the guarantee for a blissful relationship?”

    When it comes to guaranteeing a blissful marriage, nothing external can provide an absolute assurance:

    Money,
    Food,
    Comfort,
    Wealth,
    Fame.

    Even those who possess material wealth, abundant food, or widespread fame can face marital challenges and difficulties. Despite their seemingly perfect lives, many individuals with tremendous wealth or fame have experienced the breakdown of their homes.

    As humans, no matter how cautious, guarded, or guided we are, there will come a point where trust, communication, respect, forgiveness, and other important aspects of a relationship might falter.

    If we build our idea of marital bliss solely on these foundations, we are setting ourselves up for significant troubles in the future. The devil will subtly alter our expectations and standards for bliss, causing strain and discord.

    Some marriages may appear stable until one person breaches the trust that was previously established. Conversely, some couples have successfully overcome trust issues in the past.

    We must remember that marriage is a union between two imperfect individuals. Knowing our imperfections, why do we place our expectations of bliss on the fickleness of our own perfection? This is not advocating for a path of complacency or mediocrity but intended to help preserve and strengthen marriages.

    When we hold high expectations for our spouses, we may encounter surprises and disappointments. It is an illusion to believe that external factors or someone else can provide us with enduring bliss. Many marriages face problems when such expectations, particularly related to money or wealth, are not met by the partner.

    It is crucial to adopt the mindset that true bliss begins with accepting and appreciating what we have, making a conscious decision to live with it, and making the best of our circumstances. The journey to marital bliss has been mistakenly portrayed as requiring equal participation from both partners. This flawed concept of marital bliss is why many couples find themselves in irredeemable quagmires.

    In reality, a blissful marriage can start with one person, with the flow gradually catching up to the other. If we wait for our partners to match our level of perfection or meet our every expectation, we will inevitably be disappointed and may lose the vibrancy and color in our marriage.

    According to the biblical perspective on marriage:

    Marriage is intended for two individuals to watch out for and support each other, as mentioned in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

    “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

    When one person falls, the other lifts them up. Knowing that we have a supportive partner is the pathway to bliss. However, it becomes problematic when a person’s bliss depends solely on their partner’s set standards. When these standards are compromised, the love between them also diminishes.

    True love acts as a North Star—unchanging despite circumstances and unaffected by the philosophies of the world. When our love becomes a constant guiding force, like a North Star, we enter into a state of bliss.

    Here’s another perspective:

    In a marriage, two individuals can experience different levels of bliss. While one person may be content and joyful, the other may be facing challenges and hardships. Each person resides in their own world, even within the context of marriage.

    This is why it is essential not to gauge our marital bliss solely on our spouse’s count

  • HOW TO REMAIN FOCUS IN DELIVERING EXCELLENCE – PART 4

    Last week we dealt with certain tools, today we will look at more of what we can call subordinate but vital tools.

     

    Other tools

    1. Focus on the tools you have or that’s available.

    David used what he has. Many of us look down on what we have.

    Focus on the tool you have…
    David in his encounter in 1 Samuel 17 didn’t go with borrowed tools but what he has. You cannot go far in your purpose when what you have in terms of tools, capacity and ideas are from others.

    Let me explain this:

    You want to start a business and all you bank on is someone’s idea. Think of a time when the person will no longer be available. For a short term benefit you can bank on other people’s resources but not on long term venture or life goal.

    Some people remain in one place hoping and hoping… Ask them why they are not making move they keep recounting what they don’t have. Use what you have to get what you don’t have. David use his stone and sling to get at Goliath and there win his sword. At every point you have something.

    Let’s pause for few minutes and ruminate: What do you have to start the pursuit of that lofty dream.

    David was anointed as king… He began with good use of his sling and stones
    There’s a place at the top for everyone if we will only focus on what we have and not on what we don’t have. Remember, borrowed tool will one day be taken away from you.

    Leaders use what they have to get what they want.

    2. Focus on the Target
    David could decide to focus on fear, the big talk and taunt of Goliath, the fleeing Israelite. Not David. It takes laser focus to make such accurate aim. In many endeavours there will always be distraction, but keep asking yourself: What is the target?

    I think I’ve failed here more than all of you. I get to certain place. Leave my target and begin to talk about the impossible task, the failing government, lack of money.

    I think we can pause here and ask for forgiveness… Really, it’s not God keeping us down but our loss of target in most cases have caused our Goliaths to keep taunting us. Let’s pray for forgiveness brethren

    Instance of this are the ten spies Moses sent to look over the land of Canaan which was the Promised Land. They were told to look at the land, instead they brought back negative reports. They lose target and purpose.

    I remember a terrible but a funny incident in Benin years ago, a brother went preaching to a lady. Instead of winning the lady she won him to her bed as they slept together. The brother lost his target and he was given back bench in church for a while. This is how many of us behave in life

    Never lose your target… That’s your pathway to the throne. his leads to the third

    3. Make everything else your background
    A picture isn’t complete without a background. Too much seriousness may harm the pursuit. In your pursuit you would have background activities, funs, games, etc. Only be sure you know what should be in the background. In the main arena of the battle, it was David and Goliath. In the background were the Israelites, Philistines and their kings. In the background were rocks, trees and vegetations. But what matters to decide is the conquest of either David or Goliath.

    While David was increasing his focus, Goliath was being overtaken by pride. He brought himself down. The man with focus often win the race whether in business, academics, marriage and life generally. This is why a poor man may end up richer than the sons of multimillionaires if he understand the concept of focusing right.

    4. Focus on your strength and experience
    This is partly dealt with in 1 above. When you set forth on a new project, vision or idea, reinforce your commitment to the vision by listing your strength and experiences. If you do this none will be able to talk you down. David knew what he could do, so he refused to be talked down, scorned or discouraged.

    Launch out a new dream or initiative based on your God given strength. Foundational to success is your intrinsic strength.

    Like I’ll always say: the basic skill for your takeoff should never be borrowed. This is why you need your native strength. This is especially true for business and life generally. People tend to destroy you, eat you up for dinner and intimidate you when they know you don’t have much knowledge of what you want to undertake.

    We have countless business owner who have more knowledgeable employees. They wake up one day and realize the business is gone. Experience is important and strength is crucial in building a formidable platform. Personally, I hate being at the mercy of anyone, not even the big government.

    Caveat: In certain instances, when you have less knowledge of a venture or process, make sure you own the control.

    5. Focus on Simplicity
    While growing up, I thought complexity means greatness but when I became mature I began to seek how to make my life simpler. I noticed: the more I make things simpler, the more I began to succeed. You’re working among people, nobody wants to be bugged by complexity.

    Leave the details and complexity to yourself.

    The world want to see a seamless ease of engagement, use and application of your idea.

    Goliath was an epitome of complexity while David was the epitome of simplicity. Goliath took along with him heavy armour while David dress lightly to enhance his agility and swiftness. Simplicity will always win over complexity in the big game of life. Let me give you an example. In graphics work, corporate organizations learn to use simple colours and fonts for advert and they gain more conversion. Small businesses use all sorts of colour like mascara… Complexity.

    6. Focus on Truth
    Truth doesn’t fail. When you want to be around for long, build on truth and character.

    7. Focus on what should be done not the noise or approval
    In the first place David was not approved to go fight Goliath. He was the most unlikely person to step out yet he went on. Champions don’t wait for approval, noise, applause or whatever. Instead they move on to do what should be done.

    Here’s an example, when I write, I do it of duty and necessity. I don’t wait to see who’s following or who is not following. Do the needful… In the fullness of time, you’ll be followed. This is why when you’re learning to be focused you must learn to be alone.

    When you breast the tape even the nay sayer will clap for you. They will all rant: We know you’ll make us proud. 😄😁😉 Keep firing even when you have missed so much… Soon you will master the art .

    8. Focus on important thing
    This is the last. Always ask yourself: What are the important thing to do in this situation?
    Here we are not talking about crisis ridden urgent matter. When you learn to do important things, crisis will significantly get reduce in your world.

    Remember, important things are fewer. Focus on these. Trivial things are many, put them on the background. Because David mastered the art of focusing he rose to become outstanding general, statesman, king and man of God. His focused life put in in remembrance from generation to generation.

    A focused life is an excellent life.

    This is the end of this series.